Thursday, 28 August 2008

Super Spiders!

Really Big Spider Terrifies Family!

The cliched comical hysterical reaction of women running around screaming when presented with a small creature like a mouse or moderate sized insect is hard to escape here. "Family forced out of home by spider", as the headline reads, clearly suggests a hysterical overreaction.
Then they show you the thing. It's not pretty. The BBC article also shows pictures of one of them attacking a scorpion, just to give you a sense of perspective. They seem fairly vicious too, then. A lot of people might connect this story with the word 'Arachnophobia', which a lot of people suffer from. This is not arachnophobia, because a phobia is an irrational fear of something. Running screaming naked from the bathroom because you glimpsed what you thought was an inch long spider but turned out to be some fluff from your black socks, that's arachnophobia. Leaving your house because some hideous, potentially deadly insect from foreign climes has invaded it, that's quite rational.
The experts do their best to placate the family.

"If it is the spider they believe it is, then normally they don't attack humans, but they could give a painful bite," the spokeswoman said.

Not that reassuring actually. And the use of the word 'normally' gets me. Normally, you don't get these things in Essex. The woman's husband is a soldier stationed in Afghanistan, so they suspect it stowed away in his backpack. A logical conclusion, although I thought soldiers were meant to be quite meticulous with their backpacks and all that, surely he should have noticed this monstrosity in there? Then again, Afghanistan is an opium producing country, maybe he partook of the local produce before packing. Who knows?
But that means that, although they don't 'normally' attack humans, these spiders are 'normally' found in middle-eastern deserts, so probably won't be too at home in a semi-detached two-storey house in the cooler climate of Southern England. Cut off from it's habitat, food source and stuck in an environment where every smell, colour, shape and even geometry is alien and disturbing, I sincerely doubt this thing will be behaving 'Normally'. 'Normally' it probably doesn't even encounter humans. Leaving the house in a screaming panic is probably the wisest course of action.
And in case you needed further convincing, consider the last quote of the article.

"They identified the spider using the Internet," she said.

This spider is clearly a lot smarter than the average spider, like some arachnid Yogi bear. What the hell was it doing? Is there Spider Porn available? Wouldn't surprise me. They've been unable to locate it since, maybe it was booking tickets home? Although, where did it get the money? Part of me hopes it got paid for a guest spot on the Christmas special of Gavin and Stacey, that should liven things up a bit.


Anonymous said...

Hey Dean,

I think that what you might be referring to is a camel spider.My mate saw loads of them when he went to Iraq.
If you can recall,our soldiers were based on the border a few weeks before the war officially started in order for them to get used to the heat.One morning a soldier awoke with a dragging pain in his groin.Later,while washing he saw that a camel spider had nested inside his scrotum,overnight.Apparently they have some sort of anaesthetic in their bite.
Also,on the same morning two other lads in his battalion found one nesting in their armpits.
I myself am arachnophobic and the other day I wouldn't let my sister and two kids leave my home because there was one on the ceiling.They had to wait until they got my brother in law to get rid of it.

The only times where I have physically hurt someone has been when they have tried to scare me with a spider/insect.I even punched somebody,full-force,in the throat once and threatened someone with a kitchen knife(I slashed my arm open to prove to them I wasn't joking because I was so scared).
I don't like people killing 'em though;just in case there is a heaven and they will be waiting for me outside the pearly gates.

Anyway got to You Tube and type in CAMEL SPIDER.


Anonymous said...

Mmmmm... just looking at the picture, it seems to have 10 legs... could it be some other insect? Maybe not a spider?? Unless I'm wrong that ALL insects classified as spiders must have 8 legs... just a little interesting observation. Doesn't make it any less creepy! I mean, I have massive silverfish hiding out in my basement and if those things can scare me out of the house, I'd be a true gonner if I came in contact with this fellow... Yikes!

Social Network sharing gubbins