Questions for a chiropractic Q & A

Those of you who are regular readers of this blog, thank you. It's nice to know there are people out there with as much time to fritter away as I have.

But if you're a regular reader, or even someone who likes to dip in now and again, much like the titular digestive (I was going to use the term 'dunkers' to describe such people, but that term is normally associated with Dairylea snack packs, or in some cases, condoms, neither of which seem particularly flattering), if you're either of these sorts of readers of this humble blog, then you may know that I have previously taken issue with the fact that the University of Wales, via the University of Glamorgan, offers accredited courses in Chiropractic.

I don't like the fact that the University of my country of origin, which I've helped to function, publicise and promote for nearly 10 years now, is lending its credibility to the teaching and promotion of chiropractic, the belief that you can treat all manner of illnesses via potentially dangerous back-rubs.

In case my subtle hints don't make it clear enough, I do not like chirocpractic. I would say I don't like chiropractors but I've never (as far as I know) met one. I do, however, resent the fact that there is one operating round the corner from me. My feelings about this are a matter of public record.

I emailed the University, but got the standard 'fobbing me off' response, which was so dull I didn't bother putting it up here. I also discovered that anti-quack maestro Prof. David Colquhoun has been pursuing this matter himself for many years now. If an eminent professor like him can't get useful results from the proper channels, what chance does an unknown unemployed Neurobod like me have?

Well...

A relative 'unknown' like me would probably be more effective on undercover operations. As it happens, I'm currently helping organise a big publicity project type thing for the University, and as a result I recently found myself in the University of Glamorgan.

(I should stress that the University of Glamorgan is generally a very respectable and hard working higher-education establishment, but this sort of makes it worse that they seem to be condoning the teaching of chiropractic)

While there, I happened to pass the information screens, and what did I see?

So, apparently they have a Q&A session for people with questions about chiropractic? I don't know where it is exactly, but should I find out, I hope to go along. After all, chiropractors and other alt-med supporters regularly turn up at sceptical events and raise objections, it would be rude not to return the favour, right?

So, what to ask them? Here are some things I'd like to see someone try and answer. Feel free to add your own.

1: "A mean skeptic in a pub told me that chiropractic was all made up and had no basis in science. So I've arranged to have him beaten up. But are there any injuries that chiropractic can't treat? I don't want him recovering if it's at all possible"

2: "I watched Star Trek the other day. The Vulcan's use neck pinches and death grips, and these are obviously chiropractic techniques. Did the Star Trek people ask permission for this or do we need to sue them? Or are they saying that a super intelligent alien race would use chiropractic? If so, shouldn't we say this in our promotional literature?"

3: "My friend was suffering severe stomach upset, so I did some chiropractic manipulation on his abdomen. The results were very messy. Was this an unpleasant side effect, or did I accidentally perform the chiropractic cure for constipation?"

4: "If I perform chiropractic on my broadband cable, will it remove any subluxations and make my Internet faster?"

5: Same question as above, but about the fuel lines on a car

6: "A lot of my family have health issues and have asked if I could treat them for free. If I spend too much time touching and massaging my own family, won't I end up in jail?"

7: "Exactly how do you spell and pronounce 'Chiropractic' and 'Chiropractor'? I'm dyslexic and I wandered into a Proctology class the other day. The the things they showed me were hideous, and when I tried to perform therapy on the affected areas all hell broke loose"

8: "What time is the big dance-off with the Osteopaths?"

9: "I was talking during a lecture the other day, and as I left the lecturer kicked me in the back. Was this assault, or was he just trying to correct my posture? I just want to know whether to inform the police or not"

10: "A lot of escorts offer massages (I'm told). If I'm performing chiropractic therapies on someone and they get aroused, do I stop or charge them extra?"

11: "Someone told me that you can use homeopathy to treat cows. I didn't want chiropractic to be out-done, so when my uncle said one of the cows on his farm was sick I said I'd treat it with what I've learned here. Basically, are there any heavy duty chiropractic tables and hoists available? We broke 3 tables, 2 barn doors and a farm labourers back trying to do it"

12: "Further to the previous question, does the course cover the effective chiropractic treatments for massive impact trauma and serious horn wounds? The 'cow' in question was actually a 'bull'. And judging by it's reaction to our efforts, it seemed to be a sceptic bull at that."

13: "A lot of athletes say they go to chiropractors and it helps them perform well. Doesn't this mean that they owe their success to their chiropractor? If I end up treating a successful athlete, shouldn't I be entitled to a cut of their earnings?"

14: "I practised some chiropractic therapy on my dog yesterday. It fell asleep it's leg started shaking. Do human patients do this?"

15: "What's the chiropractic treatment for serious sunburn?"

16: "If manipulating the arrangement and alignment of parts of the body has serious effects on a persons health, what's the chiropractors view on firm handshakes?"

17: "I saw that the film 'Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey" on display in my local video shop the other day. Will the University fund my legal costs if I sue blockbusters for using this term in a public context?"

And so on.

e-mail: humourology (at) live.co.uk

twitter: @garwboy

The Worlds Longest Science Joke

OK, let's see how long I can string this out for...

A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?"

"Evolutionary selective pressures" says the horse.

"I beg your pardon?" says the barman, surprised.

"The evolution of the horse occurred in such a manner that a large elongated head was an advantage over members of it's species which lacked this feature" replies the horse, wisely.

"Oh" says the barman, bemused. "Do you always talk about yourself in the third person? Or is the term 'the horse' something like 'the royal we' that humans use?"

"Pardon?" Says the horse. Or, more accurately, the man standing behind the horse.

"Oh" says the barman again, relieved this time "It was you talking the whole time" he says to the man.

"Indeed. I'm a zoologist, and this is my horse" replies the zoologist man.

"That makes more sense" says the barman, "I didn't think horses could talk"

"Yet you were ready to concede you may be wrong based on the evidence of your own perceptions, well done. Are you a scientist at all?" asks the zoologist.

"No" replies the barman "but I grew up in the city, I've never actually seen a horse in real life, so I'd have to admit it's possible they could talk, but this ability is something which nobody has brought to my attention yet".

"Interesting theory" says the Zoologist "Plausible given your own experiences, but it's unlikely that the ability of a non-human animal to process and deliver coherent speech, an incredible discovery, would be something that people would not speak about to the extent where you would almost certainly be aware of it, living as we do in an industrialised nation with many means of communication available"

"Perhaps" acknowledges the barman "but you're assuming a position of the speech capabilities of horses being a new discovery, whereas it's possible that, given humankind's long association with horses and beasts of burden, it's a well known fact, to the point where it is assumed to be common knowledge, such as the ability of penguins to swim. An unusual behaviour for birds, but if I were to point it out to a stranger I would be laughed at."

"Good point, well made" replies the Zoologist.

"Well, you work in a pub long enough, you hear a lot of discussions with wild suppositions and twisted logic", the barman confesses.

"I can imagine" says the zoologist.

There is a big pause, during which no bears appear, as is the norm.

"Did you want a drink?" Asks the barman, eventually.

"Yes. A lager please" The barman pours the zoologist his pint and he sits down.

At this point, an Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman enter the bar.

"Hello, we're 3 friends" says the Englishman.

"Not from childhood though, as we are from differing geographical locations" says the Irishman.

"We're all scientists, so met later in life via conferences" says the Scotsman.

"That's... nice" replies the barman, vaguely alarmed. "Why did you feel the need to tell me that?" He asks.

"Given the situation, it's highly likely that we shall end up in a limited discussion with you at some point during the evening, but as we have never encountered you before it would be unlikely that you knew anything about us, so we decided it would be best to provide background information about us in order to aid understanding." says the Scotsman.

"Fine!" says the barman, confused but soldiering on. He turns to the Englishman.

"What would you like?" he asks.

"I would like to be awarded a grant for my research with no end point to it, for my current theories to be proven correct and to be published without question or incident, and for my rather curvaceous female lab assistant to stop wearing such low-cut tops as it's creating a very distracting working environment" he replies.

"I meant what would you want to drink!" shouts the barman, becoming frustrated.

"I had no way of knowing that was the case, so I thought it best to use a literal interpretation of your question" replies the Englishman.

"What else could I possibly mean?! This is a pub" replies the barman angrily.

"I know, but I am not from this area so the opportunity sampling of public houses I have is geographically limited, so I could not guarantee that publicans in this area would have the same intent when asking that question as they do in my home town. Now that you have informed me that it is, I shall adjust me finding accordingly."

"...you a sociologist" asks the barman?

"Yes" replies the Englishman. "How did you know?"

"Lucky guess" sighs the barman.

"Actually, given the response you made contained much information regarding social convention and the possible consequences of incorrect supposition, it was highly likely that you were qualified in some sociological capacity" said the Scotsman to the Englishman "As for drinks, I believe he will have a lager, as on previous occasions when we have engaged in mutual socialising that is what he has ordered, possibly switching to some vodka-mixer combination later in the evening. Although our total mutual socialising occasions are limited, thus giving my analysis low statistical power, I have no further information on which to base my decision".

"And you'd be a... statistician?" asks the barman, tentatively.

"Your hypothesis has a less than 5% chance of a type 2 error. I will also have a lager"

The barman begins pouring their drinks. While doing so, he warily turns to the Irishman.

"And what would you like?" He asks. "To DRINK!" he hurriedly adds, glancing at the psychologist.

"Pint of Guinness" says the Irishman.

"Really? Simple as that?" asks the barman, suspiciously.

"Yes. I'm a lab technician. This being a joke though, I thought I'd make being Irish my most comically exaggerated feature" replies the clichéd Irishman.

They take their drinks and sit next to the Zoologist, whom it become clear they are acquainted with.

"You guys take a hell of a long time and preamble to make a single point" observes the barman.

"Like we said, we're scientists" replies the statistician.

Two Jews then walk into the bar. At this point, the horse defecates loudly onto the floor of the bar. The two Jews, disgusted, leaves. However, as it is currently Saturday daytime (Shabbat) and they were planning to enter a drinking establishment, it is unlikely they were committed or orthodox Jews, so their reason for their disgust was unlikely to be religious and more basic human revulsion.

"And get that horse out of here!" Shouts the barman, "No horses in my pub!"

"That statement contradicts all available evidence" says the Statistician.

"Indeed, both the presence of the horse and the lack of any public notices forbidding horses on the premises undermine your statement" says the Sociologist.

"But Horses aren't allowed in pubs! Everyone knows that" insists the barman.

"It's never been explicitly stated" says the zoologist.

"Indeed, all of us here entered the premises to discover a horse so assumed this was a common occurrence here. But when it does something that you disagree with, you try to impose arbitrary rules on the situation to fit your own specific world view. You're not a Christian, are you?" asks the the Sociologist.

"To be sure, to be sure" says the clichéd Irishman, drawing a shamrock in the foam on his Guiness.

"Either it goes or you do!" shouts the barman.

The Zoologist, sighing, gets up and leads the horse out of the bar.

While he is outdoors, two more men enter the pub.

"Hello! We're scientists" says the statistician.

"Oh good. Me too!" says one of the men. "I'm a chiropractor"

"That's not a Science" the statistician points out.

"I'LL SUE YOU!" Screams the chiropractor, and runs out of the pub, weeping and calling his lawyer.

The second man glares at the assembled scientists threateningly, and goes to the bar.

"Typical scientists, spending their ill-earned big pharma kickbacks for suppressing the natural therapies of nature" he says tot he barman.

The barman, completely unaware of what the man means, nods politely.

"I'm not like them. I'm a homeopath".

Unwilling to lose more custom, the barman nods again.

"I'd like an espresso, a coke and 10 pints of water please" the homeopath says.

"What do you want with that" asks the sociologist, who has overheard

"Because, despite what you fascists keep saying, diluting things makes them stronger" hisses the homeopath.

"Yeah, we get that, why the caffeine?" asks the technician, who has grown bored of being an Irish stereotype.

"Because like treats like! You treat the symptoms with things that cause them, obviously! And I'm trying to cure being sober!" barks the homeopath.

"Oh, I get it" replies the technician.

"Of course, sobriety isn't caused by caffeine, that's what causes insomnia and low level hyperactivity" says the statistician.

"Yeah, sobriety is the normal state of being for a human body. To cure that, you should dilute some water and take that." says the technician.

"Good luck with that" says the barman, now resigned to the situation.

"Of course, you could take into account the effects of drunkenness and try and treat the things that work against it?" says the statistician. "Drink makes me hungry, so you could maybe treat the symptoms of lack of hunger? Try diluting a kebab!"

"Yeah, and dilute some viagra as well!" says the sociologist. The technician, barman and statistician turn to stare at him.

"What?" says the sociologist. "Doesn't everyone get that?"

"You'd know" says the technician.

"Well, statistically speaking..." says the statistician.

"STOP RUINING MY NIGHT WITH YOUR LOGIC AND REASON" Screams the homeopath, typically. He then retreats to the corner of the room, and in order to exact a disproportionate revenge, spends the rest of the evening trying to suffocate the scientists by attempting to dilute a lack of oxygen.

At this point, the Zoologist returns to the bar. With the Horse.

"Oi!" shouts the barman. "I told you we don't allow horses in here"

"You did" says the zoologist. "I'm just repeating the experiment in order to verify the findings".

The horse then defecates again.

The barman just slumps to the floor, and vows to go on holiday the next time the QED conference is in town.

email: Humourology (at) live.co.uk

Twitter: @garwboy

Subluxations, Sex and Socialising Skeptics.

Been a shortage of new entries here lately, hasn't there? Been busy though, as I've been helping set-up a Wales Branch of Skeptics in the Pub. Here's a bit of background and a progress update for those who are interested. (An alternative and nicer, more rational account is provided by Alice Sheppard here, so read that first if you want, but if you want arrogance, sex, abuse, megalomania and obscene flights of fantasy, read on)

I live down Cardiff Bay. It's nice here, although my family all think I'm a snob for doing so (evident from the fact that they keep saying 'Dean lives down Cardiff Bay, the snob!' whenever it's brought up). I live about 2 minutes walk from the central pub/restaurant/shop bit, Mermaid Quay. On my usual route down to the Quay, there are several shops and places.

One thing that has appeared relatively recently is Cardiff Bay Chiropractic. A blatant and obvious Woo-merchant, right on my very doorstop, on the same street that featured prominently in the best ever Doctor Who episode 'Blink'. How awful, a fictional doctor peddling his wares where another fictional doctor so brilliantly saved us all from Gothic statues. The presence of this masseuse with ideas above his station is a constant irritation.

Interestingly, on the other side of the road is a brothel. At least, I assume it is. I guess it could be, as it claims, a 'leisure facility' which has utterly opaque windows and is open at least until after the pubs close. Interestingly, a new Indian restaurant has opened up right next door to it. I sincerely hope the mistake has happened at least once, some guy has gone to try out the new restaurant and found it to be staggeringly expensive but that the waitresses are really over-friendly.

(I say guy, a bit sexist of me, I'd imagine they'd cater for women too if they were willing to pay, but why would that ever happen? If pornography has taught us anything, it's that two women left alone together for even a brief length of time will almost immediately have sex for no discernible reason other than because the opportunity presents itself)

The chiropractor can advertise his business to the public, the brothel cannot. The chiropractor has a website boasting of his abilities, the prostitutes do not. The chiropractor boasts an endorsement from a Welsh Rugby player; the prostitutes don't but I imagine if they were allowed they could manage to get more than just one. The chiropractor apparently has many qualifications, none of which are recognised by Science; Insofar as prostitutes need to possess qualifications, I imagine they'd be anatomical in nature (Science, as it's normally performed by socially-awkward pasty white males, may or may not recognise these).

The chiropractor offers to manipulate your body in weird ways until you feel better. The prostitutes, given sufficient financial incentive, would probably do that too, with the added bonus that any sense of well-being experienced after a session with a prostitute will definitely have a more biological basis than that provided by a chiropractor..

I am not a supporter of the sex trade, but I'm not nearly deluded enough to think it's ever going away no matter how many laws we churn out to stop it. I just think it's ironic that the establishment offering a millennia-old, well recognised and genuine 'service' based on the biological requirements of humans is actually illegal and generally considered immoral, whereas the one offering to pummel people in order to improve their health (based on a system invented by a psycho less than 2 centuries ago) in exchange for obscene amounts of money, that's fine and legit.

I do not like this situation. The fact that this exists in my country's capital and there doesn't seem to be any opposition here at all to this witch-doctery, that's annoying on many levels. We Welsh have a rich and ancient cultural heritage, but at no point does it say 'must accept all forms of bullshit without question' in any of our inherited beliefs (in either language).

This, combined with my encounter with a batty Malaysian tour guide, made me want to do something about this situation.

One thing I've often heard about via the twittersphere and other social networks is Skeptics in the Pub. This nationwide (and beyond) scheme is incredibly influential in forming networks, encouraging rational thinking and opposing the abuse of Science and logic wherever it may be (see the 10:23 protest and the campaign to change libel laws via Simon Singh's court case).

SITP is everywhere. Apart from Wales, oddly enough. I decided to change this, or at least investigate the possibility of doing so, seeing if it's feasible. So I made a few enquiries and suggestions via Twitter (the nerd representation seems to be higher there than on Facebook in my experience).

Then, someone decided to take my suggestions, set up a Facebook group with the same aims, and do all in their power to marginalise, block and discredit my efforts. This is not the first time I've been faced with the possibility of character assassination, and had my hard work stolen from under my by shifty individuals in cyberspace and beyond. My incredible awesomness means this often happens, but I resolve to crush, I say CRUSH, anyone who dares stand against me and my goals. It's time to bring on the pain!

That last paragraph is bollocks, of course. Much like the beneficial effects of chiropractic, it's all in my head. But at least I'm aware of it.

My speculations mean I've linked up via this interweb with Alice Shepperd, who seems to be one of, if not Wales only true Skeptic. Until now, maybe, now that Johnny-come-lately's like me might be realising that you don't have to just sit there and accept the insane ramblings of others. If you've been contacted previously by someone regarding a Wales Skeptics in the Pub meet, it must have been Alice (or me). Alice knows how to do things like email people nicely and coordinate things via the web, she's some sort of professional, clearly. I'm not quite at that level, my own web presence is more akin to a wild pig in a public swimming pool; lots of attention and noise, but nothing coherent or useful and mostly just upsetting the children.

So, thus far, Alice presents the slick on-line face of Wales SITP, I'm the guy on the ground organising things like venues (i.e. me wandering around pubs in Cardiff, occasionally stroking my chin while looking at the layout), publicity (me badgering people I've encountered via the comedy circuit etc. in the hope that they'll give us a mention if I just go away), some pictures and

what have you. Other people are clambering aboard the good ship Wales SITP (well, it's more a raft made of twigs and those cardboard tubes you get in the middle of toilet rolls at the moment, but it seems sturdy at present and it appears to have hit a good strong current to get us going)

If you were wondering why my Science Letters have been on hiatus, this is why. I shall be posting updates as and when they occur, and that should be quite often with any luck. We shall have out first pub gathering of Welsh Skeptics organised before the month is out (or next month, as it's the 31st of May right now, and it's a bank holiday so I can't see anything useful happening today).

One final thing, Alice says that some people, naming no names (largely because I'm not aware of any of them), have been whingeing about us calling it the WALES Skeptics in the Pub project, when it's just in Cardiff. In-keeping with the theme of the evening, let's look at the evidence for our claims.

- Thus far, it IS the only SITP being organised in Wales.

- Nobody ever said just Cardiff, it's just that I'm doing most of the groundwork and I happen to live in Cardiff so know most about this area. I could feasibly do a driving tour and investigate the likely venues of every population centre in our fair principality. Why don't I rent a helicopter and go from roof to roof of every building with an alcohol license in the country, seeing as we're indulging wild fantasies where I squander resources on a mammoth trek in the spirit of inclusiveness.

- We have always had the intention of going beyond Cardiff. We had Swansea venues proposed before we had a facebook group discussing such things.

To be truthful, calling it SITP WALES was my idea, in an underhanded attempt to encourage it to spread further. It shows that all of Wales is welcome to join in, not just Cardiff. But more cynically, I knew it would piss off the type of people who like to whinge rather than get involved. Maybe to the point where they'd set up their own night to prove a point. I could have just called it 'Cardiff'' and avoided the whole issue, and trusted people to take the hint and set up their own in their area, but in my experience, encouragement is nowhere near as big a motivator as spite.

So if anyone does have any issues with this, please take them up with me, not Alice; this isn't her idea and she seems far too nice to have to deal with such crap, whereas I actively enjoy smacking down on-line criticisms, so please, bring it!

Skeptics in the Pub: Wales (or Cardiff, if you like). Lets make it happen. Suggestions/abuse, please post in comments section.

Love to ya all

Dean

email: humourology (at) live.co.uk

twitter: @garwboy

"Dear Chiropractors, from Science" (No. 14)

I'm having a thoroughly annoying time of it at the moment, so what better way to vent than through the medium of Science?

“Dear Chiropractology (that right?)

It’s me Science. Can you refrain from suing me for 5 minutes and read this?

I really didn’t want to have to do this, but you’ve pushed me to it. I’ve tried ignoring you, I’ve tried using reason and logic to dissuade people from listening to you, I’ve even taken another look at the fundamental nature of biology, chemistry, physics and anatomy on the off chance you may have a point.

You don’t, by the way. And it didn’t take long to look up the basics, I left the bookmark in my notes from when I last looked after Homeopathy started making noise again.

So, Chiroprology, it’s come to this. Me writing you a bloody letter, like some sort of 18^th century scribe, just so you’ll have what I’m telling you in a visible format to double check for hidden meaning and all that. I’m the anthropomorphic personification of Science, I don’t have time to write pointless sarcastic missives to my detractors (and yes, I realise that plenty of evidence to the contrary can be found on this blog, but since when is evidence important, right?)

Basically, this is your last warning. Cut your crap and know your place, or you’ll get to see what I do when I’m REALLY angry.

You want to sue my boy Simon Singh? Shows how stupid you can be, I wouldn’t dare start on someone with the initials SS; I won’t be restraining him, and trust me, he’ll go Gestapo on your ass!

(Too soon?)

So listen, Chiroproctor and Gamble, we both know, as does Simon, that what you claim to be able to do is bogus. Yes, that’s right, I dropped the B-bomb! What you going to do? Sue me? You genuinely think you can sue an abstract concept? Admittedly, it’s only marginally more absurd than thinking you can cure bedwetting with a back-rub, but either way it won’t work.

What is it about the word ‘bogus’ that bothers you so much, anyway? Do you thing, we’re using some offensive acronym? Chiropractors are bogus (Blatantly useless guff, obviously stupid?)

Thing is, you campaigned for so long to be regarded as separate from medicine when you first started peddling your wares, so you could get round the whole inconvenient 'having to prove you have the first clue about human biology' thing that medics need to deal with, but now you want the same level of credibility? You can't have your cake and eat it!

Actually, that saying seems quite logically flawed to me, as having and eating a cake are intrinsically linked. What would be the point of having a cake if you couldn't eat it? They do sometimes look nice, but if used as ornaments they could only fill this role on a short-term basis. And it's logically impossible to eat a cake without 'having' it. If anything, consuming something and incorporating it's mass into your own is as extreme a degree of 'having' something as you can get, I think. Of course you could hurl yourself and the cake into a black hole, thereby merging yours and the cakes mass into the singularity at it's heart and unifying in one space-time flaw, but that seems needlessly complex a manner for disproving the whole have/eat cake cliché. I don't think we need to involve quantum physics in baking, it's tricky enough already. Ever tried making a flan? The mind boggles.

Bloody hell, got distracted again. Thing is, Chiropractus Rex, I'm willing to take on any wild notion as long as there is some proof of it. So you can see how extreme it is when I tell you that you're demonstrating yet another alarming case of colonic vocalisation (figure it out).

Thing is, that thing where I use big, complex words and make it hard for everyone to understand what I'm talking about? I try my best to not do that, it makes my job a lot harder in the long run, but sometimes it's unavoidable. It's an unfortunate side effect, it's not the thing that makes me credible. To put it more succinctly for your already bilge-filled brains, I'm not doing it on purpose!

I've had to point that out to Homeopathy, Nutritionism, Gillian McKeith, Fundamentalists, and now you. You're one of the worst, Chiropratacomefromalanddownunder. Vertebral Subluxtion? Sounds like something you'd treat with high doses of fibre.

If you genuinely believe that all that stuff about 'blockages' in the spinal column being responsible for disease, I can point you in the direction of spinal trauma victims who'd dearly love to make your acquaintance. Their bodies seem strangely reluctant to heal themselves, and seeing as you have the ability to help them along then perhaps you could spare them some of your talents? I know you have a lot of vitally important bed-wetting and colic to deal with, but could you take a moment to help out the paraplegics?

You're right though, the body does have a tendency to heal itself. While it's doing that, it might not be a great idea to keep pummelling it randomly though.

Seriously though, do you need some pointers on how the human body works? I'm happy to help if so. And this isn't me offering a 'contrasting opinion', this is facts, this is based on stuff you can see, and change, and adjust, and pull out and have dribble all over your hands.

If you want some cadavers to see what I'm on about, I'd happily provide some. Please, take them off my hands. I've got loads. In fact, I'll take a tip from your book and keep badgering you until you submit and just admit I'm right. I want you to take a look at my cadavers, so I'll be flinging them at your establishments, on the hour, every hour, for the foreseeable future. You want people to think you're buildings are just like hospitals? Then you need more dead people in them. Although if you keep offering to treat serious illness with your biobabble, you'll probably have more than you can deal with soon enough.

This is your last warning Chiropracorganic produce. You drove me to this, the gloves are off, and I'm sorely tempted to make some spinal adjustments of my own with a variety of my heaviest and bluntest tools.

Fondest regards

Science (BA hons)

P.S. Are you and Osteopathy related? You look sort of the same"

email: humourology (at) live.co.uk

Twitter: @garwboy