(6:18pm, 15th October, Victoria Station)
I’m sat in a coffee shop in London, on my own, working on my laptop. I have become everything I hate. I’m sorely tempted to paint a big glowing apple on it, just to blend in.
My mood has not been helped by the fact that I’ve just spent close to 4 hours on an obscenely cramped bus in order to get to London. Again. This is the 3rd time I’ve made this journey in 6 days. Firstly, I had to come on Saturday last to talk at the Science is Vital rally. That day was a 2-way trip on the glorious Megabus. Then on Monday my wife, who has been preparing for her trip to India for nearly a month, calls me from London at 10.30 at night to say she’s forgotten her Visa, and her flight was 12pm the next day. Cue some urgent last-minute driving that night, and the next morning. And now I’ve just made the jaunt via National Express.
Weirdly, the Megabus was better. The National Express coach was full, which made it a bit more uncomfortable, but the seats offered as much space as a budget coffin (trust me, I speak from experience) and the mandatory seatbelts threatened to cut off circulation to various parts of my torso. And of course it was Friday afternoon, so there was a bonus 40 minutes added to the journey, at no extra charge. Classy.
And of course, once we arrived at the bus depot, we had an extra 5 mins to wait. Some guy had decided the best place to offload his bags would be RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AT THE ENTRANCE TO A BUSY BUS DEPOT. Maybe there was a really good reason for it, admittedly. Plus it was fair enough that he moved his many many bags one at a time as he was talking on the phone at the time. You’re right, he shouldn’t have had to put his phone away for 2 minutes, it would be unfair for him to inconvenienced like that. I mean there only 60+ exhausted people on a coach waiting for him to move. It can’t have been anything important, the guy was clearly an idiot! What information could he have had that required urgent relaying? Dick.
Anyway, am in London now, about to go and register at TAM London. I give it 50/50 odds that they’ve even heard of me, so this may be a very short series of blogs indeed.
Apologies in advance to anyone I know in either the real or online world whom I meet this evening, there’s a good chance I’ll come across as a lot more hostile than I actually am.
I’m very sorry, I don’t travel well. I travel repeatedly even less well.
E-mail: humourology(at)live.co.uk
Twitter: @garwboy
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