Tomorrow, after much planning and faffing about, the for the first time ever a Skeptics in the Pub event will take place in Wales. Lets hope this is the first of many, so fingers crossed the druids don't get wind of it and barricade the venue with massive stone circles.
1. Skeptics in the Pub’ (SITP) operate an ‘everyone is welcome’ policy. However, in the event of ‘everyone’ turning up (current estimates would mean 6,000,000,000+ individuals) then people will be granted entry on an individual basis until the hosting venue reaches capacity, and entry will then be determined on a one-in/one-out system. As the majority of venues range in capacity from 40-300, the majority of events last less than 2 hours and a queue formed by every living human being in existence would potentially require a long-haul flight to get to the end of, attendance at the event in such a circumstance is not guaranteed.
2. As SITP is a not for profit organisation which possesses no specific premises, provisions for disabled access is dictated by the venue which hosts the event you wish to attend. SITP cannot guarantee any special access provisions for disabled individuals desiring to attend. Should a disabled individual wish to attend an inaccessible event, contacting the organisers in advance may enable them to rig up some sort of pulley system in order to hoist you into an upper storey window, or rubber-band powered stair lift/elevator. However, given the meagre resources of SITP organisers (coupled with the alcohol consumption common at SITP events), anyone wishing to use such temporary facilities acknowledges that doing so may actually increase/cause permanent disability.
3. SITP acknowledges that some views and opinions expressed at events may be unpalatable or offensive to others. However, as SITP employs no dedicated security staff, individuals in seen to be carrying the following items may be denied entry; Firearms of any description; bladed weapons over 5cm in length (2cm for pre-sharpened house-keys); any tools which have a primary function that could be described as agricultural, medical or for the preparing of meat; poisonous/toxic gasses/liquids and the facility to distribute them liberally into an open space; dangerous biological agents. Burning torches or custom made explosives are dependent on the specific fire-safety restrictions of individual venues. It is recommended that individuals do not bring a weapon of any description, with the exception of a working phaser or Lightsabre, possession of which will guarantee free entry providing all other present get to have a go.
4. SITP accepts no responsibility for anyone expressing dissatisfaction with a talk/presentation on the grounds that they have accidentally crossed from a parallel dimension in which the rational and scientific people control society and genuinely try to suppress rebellious pseudoscience groups which actually have evidence for their claims so have started a ‘sceptic/skeptic’ movement, and as such the SITP talk they attend seems like propaganda. Should this individual be willing to provide a detailed and interesting account of life in their dimension, their entry fee will be refunded and they will be bought a packet of crisps.
5. SITP aims to educate and encourage learning about alternative viewpoints with evidence to support them. As a result, SITP encourages people to remember the talks they witness. In order to encourage memory formation, it is recommended that those attending SITP events bring the following items; 1 x fresh and tender kiss; 1 x stolen night of bliss; 1 x girl; 1 x boy; n x grief (required amount varies between individuals); n x joy (required amount varies between individuals). Given the typical demographic of SITP events and the availability of alcohol, these items may all be obtainable at the event itself. However, this is not guaranteed.
6. The price of entry to an SITP event is determined by the organisers/location/cost of speaker of each specific event. In some cases the entry fee may be in the form of a voluntary donation, whereas others may be mandatory. In the case of a mandatory entry fee, this may be reduced/waived for the following;
a. Individuals attending via the astral plane
b. Individuals who are titular heads of major religions who turn up accompanied by the prophet/messiah they profess to worship
c. Individuals who exist below/above the macroscopic scale
d. Individuals who turn up in possession of working science-fiction objects (see point 3)
e. Individuals who are able/willing to provide a replacement talk for the scheduled speaker, should the scheduled speaker cancel last minute for a highly improbable reason (e.g. filled their car’s fuel tank with water after accidentally using a homeopathic garage)
f. Individuals who are famous enough in the scientific/skeptic community to ensure increased attendance via use of their name in future publicity in an effective but hideously cynical name-dropping exercise (should attendance increase exponentially, see point 1)
g. Individuals injured in the use of hastily constructed disables access mechanisms (see point 2)
7. In order to avoid accusations of cliqueness, elitism or exclusionary policies at STIP events, those attending may be asked to join in with exercises such as sing-alongs, anecdote exchanges, rap-battles, games of Twister™, extreme battle-chess, ‘hungry hungry hippos’™ or, if required, more intense forms of ‘interaction’ involving copious amounts of oil and the removal of most/all clothing. Individuals are not compelled to join in with these ice-breaking exercises, but forfeit all rights to accusations of non-inclusivity if they decline.
8. SITP respectfully asks that any individual with the intention of screaming and raving hysterically at the speaker(s) for an event do so during the Q&A section where it is expected.
I confirm that I have read the above terms and conditions and find them utterly ridiculous so shall ignore them and attend any SITP event with the intention of enjoying myself, experiencing something interesting and meeting some cool people/make some new friends [ ]
Email: humourology (at) live.co.uk